took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
