I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize