a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize