At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
