she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was like eating out sand paper
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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