no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry my hands just texted you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
