i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
