i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
