We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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