went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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