I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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