Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
