I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
