Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
