i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
