when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
