i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
