herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
