HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
