i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
