His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
