3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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