Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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