I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
