if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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