I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
