apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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