I'm sorry my penis didn't work
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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