oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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