Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
