I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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