Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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