I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
