the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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