as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize