peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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