my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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