She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
