I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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