I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
