Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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