Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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