how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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