That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
