bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
