great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
