just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
