I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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