I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
