help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
