SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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