i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
