didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
