i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
