11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
