new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
