Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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