On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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