i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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