new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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