My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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