i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
