laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've blown a few things in my day
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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