My underwear smells like fireworks.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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