We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
3 2 1 whiskey
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
