she takes plan B like it's going out of style
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
