there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize