Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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