Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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