Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize