guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
