I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
