I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
barbara walters just said penis...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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