Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
