Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he fucked my hip out of place.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize