I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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