I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
