Where did you get a picture of my penis
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
