Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
