Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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