I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
