her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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