Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
