Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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