yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
